I haven’t picked up the pieces yet. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how to begin. I just know I need to begin. Losing a loved one suddenly is like losing a big piece of your puzzle that you didn’t expect to lose. 12/27/2019 rocked our whole world with the sudden loss of my Father-in-law, and since then it’s been so hard to find a new normal and push forward. Then the minute we start to push on, more tragedy strikes almost a month to the day of losing dad, in that Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and seven others lost their lives in a tragic helicopter crash. I’m a wife and a mother and there were wives and mothers on that helicopter with their daughters. There were husbands and fathers on board with their daughters. I can’t imagine that level of deviststation and I’ve cried enough tears to wash all the windows on the Empire State Building.
In the face of tragedy, I have not allowed myself to eat my feelings. I’ve been forcing myself to feel the grief, cry the tears, and say I’m not ok. My first instinct was to crawl into bed, eat every not-so-healthy snack I could find, and then wallow. But I didn’t take that route. Since starting the blog, not only have I lost weight, but I’ve grown mentally, and the mental often times leads the physical. I’ve managed to get to the gym, not as much as before but enough to show I haven’t given up on myself and to me, that’s enough to let me know I can do this, and I can get on the other side of grieving and continue my fitness journey. It’s hard, that much I can say. It’s hard to keep pushing knowing I’m not ok, but finding comfort in the fact that I will be ok, and my family will be ok has been motivation to keep at it. In the face of death you have to keep living and I choose to do just that, live. As cliché as it sounds, nothing is promised, and since there is no promise of tomorrow, I choose to keep living for today and trying to accomplish this goal I set for myself. So while grief has felt unbearable, mentally I know this will not always be the case and that I will find joy after the storms have moved on. And that’s enough to make me keep rooting for myself and fully embracing my fitness journey in this new year!
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