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I Need More

At some point, you get tired of being conscious of how your dress fits, or if some back fat will peek out of that halter top. You get tired of living in shape-wear and fastening up a waist trainer to wear under your everyday clothes. You realize you’ve numbed yourself to fat jokes and comments on your weight whether undeserving or otherwise. You get tired of being exhausted all the time even doing a simple task like taking the steps from one floor to the next. 

The real question becomes, “What the fuck do you plan to do about it?” Once you get to that point, you cower, and convince yourself you’re fine as-is and fuck it. I cowered for many years where my weight, health, and fitness were involved, just resting on the fact that I had a pretty face, amazing personality, a brain to match, and that I’m funny. But as of late, that hasn’t been enough for me. I need more. I need to be the total package. And I need to feel and look as good physically as I do in other aspects of my life. I have struggled with weight my whole life, finishing last during the gym fitness tests as a teen, to being the fat friend with the pretty face amongst my friends. But the biggest wake up call was having a kid. And I need to be here to see every failure and success she has. She needs to know I’m there and I’m here for the long haul. I want to be able to be active in her life. How would that be possible if I wont get a handle on my weight, my activity levels, and make some lifestyle changes? My daughter shouldn’t have to grow up with a sick mom who could’ve avoided that by doing the work to be healthy and active. 

I’m ready to unpack all of my trauma along with this weight. I want to be healthier and more active. That’s it, that’s THE goal. I want to look in the mirror and say, “damn you look good”. So let me introduce myself. I’m Candice, a black woman, a mom, a wife, an Engineer, a daughter, a friend, and a person determined to take control of my mental and physical fitness. The first step was to stop eating my feelings and emotions. Instead, I’ve channeled that into the gym. I find myself using my moments in the gym to think, meditate, and process my thoughts daily. I go to the gym every day, even on my ‘rest’ days. I’ve learned that a rest day doesn’t mean to do nothing and eat everything, it means to actively rest, take a 30 min walk, go to the zoo, park, mall, or whatever, but for 30 minutes move lightly. The next step was taking the saying “weight loss starts in the kitchen” serious. So I started cutting refined and processed sugars. No juice, soda, candy, chips, white rice, white potatoes, white bread, flour and so on. I also have stricken the word “diet” from my vocabulary because it often has so many negative connotations, and once you say the word diet, you start to feel confined to a box where food is concerned. You can enjoy food while still making healthier eating choices. A big key in working out is understanding the power of protein. I upped my protein intake to help workout recovery. Finally, the mental aspect. Slow and steady wins the race, and that’s what I keep near my heart. It won’t happen overnight but it will happen and I will see results if I continue to move and eat better. 

In closing, I am here to say that I need this for me. I need to prove to myself that I can do this, and I’m doing it. Twenty-four days in and I’m seeing and feeling results. I’m down approximately 15lbs., I’m not as winded doing steps, my gym clothes are getting looser, clothes that I could no longer fit are starting to fit again, I’m sleeping better at night, my moods are better, my energy is way up, I’m not missing junk/fast/unhealthy food, and I am genuinely proud of myself. How I’m doing goes beyond what I see in the mirror but what I feel as well. Please join me as I embark on a mission to Waist Away! Be sure to check out my monthly videos with tips and tricks as well! Other members of Flawless Noises will be contributing periodically. So this is the perfect time to join us, no matter the size of your fitness/health goals. Waist Away will be a community where we all lift one another up with support and praise. Let’s get there together.


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